The Summer Pin-up Confession

Wayne and I talked last night and we discussed about doing this new venture together. We went on about plans of action and fresh concepts, the next thing we know we were talking about selfies and self-esteem. Couldn't really remember his exact words but I remember a sincere, heartfelt tear left my eye.

"... it's not an act of vanity you know, everytime I look at myself in the mirror, I notice every detail of my face. Sometimes when I cry, or get pissed off at something, I look in the mirror, study every emotion that my face makes. Through this little act, I've managed to get myself together and exude that air of confidence only I know how. I do this whenever I need to cheer myself on."

And then I thought about how often I look in the mirror, disappointed, because I'm not satisfied with what I see. About more than what my fingers could count, I guess. That's the thing with me, when it comes to myself I always feel that I'm not good enough, not doing enough, and not beautiful enough. Abegail was always synonymous to inadequacy. This took its toll on me when there was that phase in my life when I was always so unsure about what I was doing that I ended up not believing myself anymore. Results? Bad grades, bad mornings and bad moods.

One fateful day, Sir Joel talked to me about a shoot. This was the second addition to his summer pin-up collection. He talked me through the details, but I was caught up with the idea of me in a swimsuit. "Gosh my thighs would look so big and everyone will see how my body has not the most pleasing proportions." And then I took a deep breath, viewed this opportunity as a challenge and went on the hunt for a one piece pin-up swimsuit. The search was so much fun, I even forgot about my body issues. And so I did my rounds of blogilates in the hopes that my thighs would magically shrink and a thigh gap appear when I wake up the next morning.

This, however, did not happen.

But I braved myself and went to the shoot as planned. I put on my swimwear and finished the shoot with a dip in the resort's pool. With no worries about how the pictures would turn out, I went home sunkissed and happy. My first reaction to the preview posted was "Wow, never thought my flaws could be so beautifully captured like that." I repeated this thought to myself as I clicked on every picture sir posted and I ended up believing that my flaws are beautiful. Add my realization to last night's conversation and pooof! You get an empowered Abegail! I hope that this post will mark the end of my feeling of inferiority.

And I hope that the next time I look at that mirror, I would see a confident, beautiful and empowered woman who will stop at nothing until she becomes the best version of herself.

Thank you, Sir Joel.