Xander Ford and Self-Improvement

Xander Ford may be old news now, but this misconception about self-improvement isn't.

I had a really bad acne breakout when I was in college. Even now, the scars it left are still visible. Back then, I would get unsolicited advice about how to deal with my skin. Thank you neighbor for that one time you told me the obvious that they have infested my face. It's not like I own a mirror at home, right? As if pesky outsider comments weren't enough, my relatives were pushing me to see this skin doctor to help treat my condition. Condition - it sounded like I was in some sort of danger. I had good reason to believe that my family just wanted the best for me. I wanted to go too, since I was convinced that I looked horrible and it was already disrupting my life. Treatment was expensive. I had to go ask permission from my father to financially support me in the endeavor. I talked to him on the phone and he said this in a stern voice, "Nganong insecure man kaayo ka sa imong nawng oy, dawata na gud na kung unsa man ka karon." I was frustrated! He didn't understand where I was coming from. "Acne is a condition that needs to be treated," I murmured to myself. He didn't know what he was talking about. For the record, I still think I'm right. And he was too. I was insecure about how I looked and I badly wanted to change it.

I'm no friend of Xander Ford nor am I a fan, so I couldn't say for sure what his motivations were. But we shared the same end goal. We wished for physical transformation. Allow me to take both of our desire for transformation in the light of self-improvement. Most of us think that if we just changed one or two aspects of ourselves, we will be closer to the ideal self that we want to achieve. If only we had fairer skin, straighter and whiter teeth, higher and more prominent cheekbones; only then can we think that we are closer to becoming the best version of ourselves. This isn't limited to the physical aspect only but this is also found in the mental, emotional and spiritual aspects too - we want to become better. 

There's nothing wrong with wanting that. But stay with me for a moment and try to dig a bit deeper into what changing ourselves, really meant. I gave this a few minutes and I realized that it implied that we needed fixing. But if we needed fixing, it means that we're broken, right? It means that we will buy just about anything that people say is going to fix us. We are putting ourselves, our happiness and contentment in other people's hands. 

Of course, crooked teeth and a pimple-laden face can be treated professionally.  I'm not shunning the idea of cosmetic enhancements nor am I supporting it in this post. I simply want to remind you that if you think you're only going to be happy; or worse, you're only going to be accepted by society if you change parts of you, no amount of enhancements will ever make you feel contented.

Instead, we should start thinking of self-improvement in line with growth. Growth, for me, means tending to the fertile soil that is our selves. Thus, self-improvement has our own selves as the core. Without the acknowledgement that we are essential in the improvement, we will always find that we are lacking, no matter what we achieve. We need to tell ourselves that the potential that we need to effect self-improvement is already in us. Upon acceptance of that, we can then begin to develop those skills, effecting them to grow.

I went to the skin doctor, by the way. He prescribed oral and topical medicine for my breakout. I saw results. The people around me did too. But as I couldn't afford the treatment anymore, I stopped. Three years and thesis and design projects later, my acne came back. Of course, pesky comments were still there, as with all the insecurities. But fast forward to a year later, my face slowly cleared up. This may be due to lesser exposure to stress and a much healthier lifestyle. But something inside me thinks that in part, it was because of what my father said, "... dawata na lang gud na kung unsa man ka karon." I can only hope that Xander Ford understands Bisaya.