Grief Doesn't Discriminate

... between the sinners and the saints it takes and it takes and it takes.

She wished for great things to happen to her. After all, she's been told that she can be anyone she wants to be as long as she was willing to put in the work. So she did. She worked for those that she desired, in the best way that made sense to her faith in herself. She replays the image of her getting everything that she had hoped for and more. The image was almost real. It had to be. Otherwise, why would it make her happy? 

Denial

When the moment caught up with her, reality fell short. It didn't match up to the image she held so dearly in her mind. She knows she has to take some time to adjust to the disappointment, frustration and anger. She was disappointed. She was frustrated. She was angry at no one but herself. But she couldn't let the world know. Not now. She couldn't be disappointed with the world. She couldn't be frustrated and angry at it either. So she smiles. She thanks the world. She acts as if everything that happened was a blessing. She was no actress but at least everybody believed her - she saw to it.

Depression

And like all shows, hers had to end. The curtains fell as she closed her doors to those dear to her. Life, or in her case, sleep - had to go on. She wakes up in the morning, eats, sleeps again, eats and sleeps. At least sleep gave her some distraction. The truth was hard to face. The things that she'd believe her whole life were shattered. She didn't know what to believe in anymore. She thinks that what got her through life was believing in herself. Perhaps, that was what went wrong?

Acceptance

She allowed herself to ask questions. She allowed herself to hurt. She got used to the hurting that the questions stopped stinging. She used the little energy she had left to care for herself. She held on to the hope that the sun will still rise tomorrow. Overtime, the questions led to new truths. Her faith in herself may not have gotten her to where she wanted to go, but it led her here. 

... and if there's a reason I'm still alive when so many have died, then I'm willing to wait for it.

[from Hamilton:Wait For It lyrics]

Photos are by the talented Mr. Joel Locaylocay.

You can reach him through his blog and Facebook page.

Makeup is by the artistic Ms. Queenie Maquilang.